May 2013
22 posts
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We are all word smiths but when the words are cheap with no weight, hollow and deceitful they are worthless. -Sarah Mita
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Our skin is incredibly personal. It shows our history through its attributes. It shows self affliction as well as how easily damage is inflicted by others. It reveals our physical heritage and yet, is unique to us. It can describe how much the owner cares for themselves and their outward appearance. We read into the amount of it shown and the quality of it. As it goes through life it accumulates...
An Ode to Karen, the driving examiner
You think you’re so clever don’t you?
Having all the power.
I’m glad you can sit on your pedestal in that fluorescent coat.
It really compliments the orange tinge to your skin.
Talking about your skin it would make a gorgeous hand bag, if you like tan, worn leather.
It’s sad that belittling people gives you joy. Destroying hope and stealing money.
You are no better than a thief, only...
A Rant
Don’t get me wrong, couples should be able to hold hands in the street and even a little kiss on the cheek is fine. That’s not what we’re talking about though. I’m talking about couples that “snog”. Couples that just won’t leave each other alone. It’s constant. To the point where it becomes almost fascinating. No one chooses to watch the ‘Passover’ of saliva; with that morning’s toast...
Sales Pitch
Yesterday we were asked to present a sales pitch that was under 3 minutes long. The object was of our choosing and this is mine. If you are easily offended I would not read on. The views presented are dark humour of which you can choose not to divulge in. I would like people to know that this is not how I feel at all, and that this is not an option I would put to anyone, ever. “With today’s...
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Shit people say to me at work
I was telling someone about my course at university “So how do you study that for three years?” Me: “I’m afraid we don’t do fish and chips in the restaurant” 10 minutes later Them: “He’ll have the chicken, with some chips please” Old People: “Would you really deprive 4 pensioners of fish and chips” Me: “I’m so sorry, we just don’t do fish and chips in the restaurant” Old Woman getting just a bit...
Shit I say at work
I work in a seafood restaurant, I’m also a vegetarian - no I don’t eat fish - Halibut is like gold dust
- John Dory? Oh that’s a lovely fish, it’s known as the king of fish.
- [Insert name of fish] has a very amicable delicate flavour - Gurnard? It’s quite a dense, meaty fish. If you’re a big fish eater you’ll love it. It looks like a cross between the welsh dragon and daffy duck. - As [Insert...
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Phone Obituary
Sammi wasn’t smart but she was special. She would always wake me when asked and throughout our time together she brought me joy and sadness. One must always remember not to shoot the messenger and if there was one thing I regret it would be that. Too often did I take bad news out on her. She was one of the focus points to my organisation, a trusty carrier pigeon from one friend or colleague to...
“11 year old surrounded by armed gunmen
I’m just looking out the window at next-door’s garden. Children don’t play like they used to you know. Can’t even hold a machete properly. They’re young though, still have time. His friend was better with the grip, you have to have a strong grip. Where’s their father anyway? Can’t have kiddies playing on their own. They could use their dad, he could teach them to bowl properly. That’s the...
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